Scary Stories to Read at Your Desk
Fun and Games

Scary Stories to Read at Your Desk

Nothing says "Halloween" quite like a horror story. Except...two horror stories! Make sure the lights are on and you aren't alone in the office as you read these terrifying tales of marketing mayhem.

 

Tale Number One:

The Button

“Keith, what am I looking at?” 

Keith felt his heartbeat quicken slightly. “Our new campaign landing page, Barry. You...you signed off on it.”

Barry turned his phone to the side. He frowned. He turned it back upright. He furrowed his brows. Keith glanced at Amber, who was sitting next to him in front of Barry’s desk.

“I signed off on something. But this?” Barry shook his head. “Amber, what am I looking at?”

“Your phone, Barry.”

Keith started to sweat.

“And what should I be seeing on my phone?”

Amber started to answer. “A beautifully designed landing…”

“A beautifully designed landing page!” Barry yelled. “But that’s not what I’m looking at on my phone, is it?”

Keith’s leg started shaking. “If you’ll just scroll down you’ll see…”

“I. WILL. NOT. SCROLL!” He yelled. Keith started feeling dizzy. “And what happens if I push this button here that says ‘learn more?”

Amber started to answer but Barry cut her off again. It was no use. As Barry continued pointing out all the flaws in the mobile version of the landing page design, ranting about this button and that, all Keith could think of was that one fateful moment a few weeks back.

We don’t need a mobile version, he’d said to the team. 

Keith felt his stomach drop and was jolted out of his thoughts.

“And what happens if I push THIS button, KEITH?” Barry slammed his meaty fist on a big red button on his desk. Until that moment Keith had assumed it was just a novelty button. A funny joke, like a boss-shaped stress doll, or a Dilbert comic. 

But, like a Dilbert comic, it was not a funny joke.

The floor beneath Keith’s seat gave way and before he knew it he was falling down through a deep, dark hole. Amber and Barry grew smaller and smaller, and the angry bellowing became distant. As Keith fell through the endless void, he repeated to himself, as he would for eternity,don’t need a mobile version…don’t need a mobile version…don’t need a mobile version.

Marketing Moral: The mobile version of your landing page or website is just as, if not more, important than the desktop version. In fact, 52% of customers are less likely to engage with a company because of a bad mobile experience (Campaign Monitor, 2018, via Hubspot). When you need help optimizing your site for mobile, call on CID and avoid getting tossed in a hole like Keith.  

 

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Tale Number Two:

The Logo that Grew Too Big

(to be read in your head by Ian McKellan)

 

It was after a time, defined by a scope
full of meetings and calls and emailing
That the creative arrived and 
the components aligned and
a little campaign prepared its unveiling  

The brief briefly glanced and nodded
And the brand deemed it “on” in-kind
But from the top of the page
came the rumblings of a rage  
As the logo began to unwind

“Have you forgot about me,” who started it all?
As its curves turned to points in disgust
“How will I stand out in all of these feeds?
Content be damned - nobody reads
I must be bigger, I must! I must!”

It wasn’t enough that it was on top
It wasn’t sufficed to be first
It could not be convinced 
though the header persists
For as the logo got larger, so did its thirst

It consumed all the margins,
the breaks and the spaces
every icon, and each helpful arrow
It confined all the letters
to their lower cases
and changed their faces to Arial Narrow

It stomped on compliance in utter defiance
“It's for me that the rules should bend
It just isn’t sexy
to be so UX-y
and we all know what sells in the end”

And when the end came
for the little campaign 
the needle moved not one tick
It received little attention
and scarcely a mention
its mom, the only known click

 

Marketing Moral: While the logo is technically the foundation of your brand identity, your brand is better defined by the customer experience it provides.

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Happy Halloween from everyone at CID!
These spooky stories of marketing run amok were written by Rebecca Rick and Ryan Larson. Thanks for reading! They have been published in conjunction with a special edition of our newsletter. You haven't signed up for our newsletter?! Now thats scary!